F.A.T

Fleshy. Chubby. Elephantine. Pudgy. Plump. Swollen. Whalelike. Rotund. Obese. Gross. Corpulent. The list is not exhaustive. I could go on and on listing words that are associated with the notion of being FAT.

I fear putting on weight. Not because I am fat. But for someone whose weight has never hit over 50kg in her entire life and hovering around 44-46kg since in my twenties, gaining an extra kilos of flesh can be quite detrimental emotionally. Like any painfully vain bimbo, I embrace the idea that being slim is beautiful. Before anyone points his/her finger at me and accuses me of being a bitch who ridicules at inflated human beings, let me clarify that weight issues concerning others do not bother me at all. In fact, I think some people who have more flesh than usual do look beautiful and stunning. And I am envious of the fact that they have boobs.

I've gained a few pounds of flesh since my move to Algeria. For the first 6 months here, I've lost a considerable amount of weight due to several reasons such as difficulties adjusting to the new environment, lack of variety of food, missing home etc. But ever since I returned to Algeria after my trip back home in July, my weight has increased. And it has been heading north since then. On my recent trip back home in October, my grandmother-in-law told my mum-in-law that I was more fleshy. My mum-in-law then complimented on my weight gain and that I looked better with more flesh. But I was rather disturbed by the flattery. My ex-students whom I met up with also commented that I looked chubby in the face. That really upset me. I spent a good few hours staring at myself in the mirror the next day and asked myself life's most perilous question - AM I FAT?

So a few days ago, the same question started bugging me again as I've been feeling bloated from over consumption of carbs and chocolates. I decided to scrutinise the pictures of myself taken months ago and compared with the recent ones. Yes. It's confirmed. My face is rounder and chubbier. The pictures said it all. Alas, a catastrophe has befallen me.